Will I Ever Love A Book As Much As Fangirl?

This may seem like a weird post judging by the title. And honestly, it is to me too. Out of the blue, this question just popped into my head. Will I ever love a book as much I loved Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell? And then I realised that there are many reasons why I may never love a book as much so I thought I’d write them all down and share them all with you.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you will know that Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell is my favourite book of all time. There are so many reasons why I love Fangirl and I won’t go into them all here (I do have a separate review which you can check out but it was my first ever book review so I don’t recommend it). If I was to summarise why I loved it so much, it would be because I see myself in that story. Even though the main character is white and has a twin and is honestly not much like me, I do feel as if we have very similar personalities. When I read Fangirl, it was the first time I ever truly connected with a book and a main character despite loving many books before that.

But the question is, will I ever connect and love a book as much as Fangirl? Will any other book become a comfort to me as much as Fangirl is? Will I ever find a book again that I want to re-read constantly and always need it by me in case life goes shit? Well, I think the answer is no.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve read some fantastic books since then that have quickly become favourites so I’m not going to sit here and claim that Fangirl is the best book ever written and nothing will live up to it because that’s a lie. Fangirl has flaws. It’s not perfect. But honestly, no book will ever affect me as much as Fangirl did and I think that’s due to circumstances.

I read Fangirl at a time when I felt really alone. I specifically remember reading it on my kindle in the classroom before class started when I was sitting alone. Now my life didn’t suck but I was just unhappy at the time and at that time, Fangirl became my safety blanket. I re-read 3 times within that first week of reading it which had never happened to me before. At that time, I never re-read books. It became a part of my identity and it always will be.

The main reason why I think that I will never love a book as much is because of my blog. I read Fangirl before my blog ever existed. In fact, my Fangirl review was my first ever blog post and I had so much fun writing it. There was so much freedom writing that review without any preconceived notions about what needs to be on my blog etc.

I love my blog, I love reading and I love to review. But I honestly question whether my blog hinders me from loving a book as wholeheartedly as I loved Fangirl. Now, every book I read is for review or based on hype so I go into the book with expectations or with pressure to like it and I think this hinders me from fully loving a book.

Take for example, When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon. I LOVED that book. I loved the characters and the plot as well as loving the fact that I felt represented in it. In fact my personality is like a mish mash of Cath from Fangirl and Dimple. But as I read it for review and I knew going into it that I was going to love it, I didn’t fall head over heels in love with it as much as I did with Fangirl. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but if I had read WDMR when I read Fangirl, it would probably be equivalent to Fangirl in my eyes.

I honestly can’t remember the last book I fell head over heels in love with. I loved a lot of books and they were all absolutely amazing books so there’s nothing wrong with YA fiction at the moment but maybe there’s something wrong with me? I don’t remember loving a book as much as I used to and this breaks my heart but honestly there’s nothing I think that I can do.

Reading used to be an escape for me and I still love to read but now reading a book comes with expectations like I have to review this book or I’m friends with the author on twitter so I have to like it or even everyone is loving this book so I must enjoy it because honestly I haven’t hated a book as much as I used to before.

Have I made any sense? Ever since I started my blog and joined the YA twitter community, I haven’t loved or hated a book with all of my heart and I don’t know if I ever will again. Maybe that’s why I turned to watching Bollywood movies as a comfort because I feel like I have the freedom to truly love or hate something.

I’m not complaining about anything. I love my blog, the YA twitter community, the authors I’ve become friends with and the publishers I’ve worked with but honestly I just thought of this whole thing and I feel a bit saddened at the prospect of never loving a book wholeheartedly like I used to.

 

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